Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 Welcome to the, give yourself the chat podcast. I'm your host, Peter Lewis. And this is the show dedicated to unlocking human potential and living a life high-performance so, hi, everyone. Welcome to give yourself the chats and other episodes, another fascinating guest. In fact, I've got a guest on today. I've I've really followed his story through Facebook and social media, and I've been absolutely inspired by him. Um, it's Mark Smith will give you more of his backstory than moment, but Mark. Hello. It's a pleasure to have you on the, uh, on the podcast. How are you? Yeah, really well, thank you. Um, thank you for sort of getting in touch and for inviting me on I'm really appreciate it. You're you're very welcome. There's a, there's so much of your story that relates to give yourself the chat in this, this ability to overcome adversity and challenge. And, you know, if, if being an ex Grenadier had gone through and wasn't sort of challenging enough for you pass, it's not so much that we're talking about.
Speaker 0 00:01:01 I want to dive straight in and I gave you warning of this before we hit record, but there's a line in your bio that said I died and I'm hugely thankful that I was able to be resuscitated. I think that's a pretty good launching point for us to kind of explore what happened. Mark, give us you give us your story. Let's go from there. Yeah, yeah, no problem. Um, so I had recently been promoted to Lance Sergeant. Um, I'd finished my promotional course in Brecon, uh, which enabled me to also be a qualified, uh, safety staff supervisor. Um, and then almost straight after finishing the course, I was flown out to Canada, uh, where our regiment was going through predeployment training. So go back out to Afghanistan. And at the end of our six week course, um, those of us who were qualified, um, to be safety supervisors were then attached to the next regimen, which happened to be the Yorkshire regimen to help them with their live firing ranges and so forth.
Speaker 0 00:02:11 And the first few days were fine, um, falling along sort of individuals, then building up to them, going down the ranges in pairs, fire teams, sections, and naturally it sort of builds up and the ranges get more realistic, more lifelike. Um, and it was the day of the platoon attack ranges. So you've got a range consistent of around 30 to 40 soldiers plus safety staff. Um, and it was all quite new to me. I, um, we were put on predominantly sort of soldiers that moved everywhere on foot mounted and this particular range was, uh, armored infantry. Um, so we followed the platoon, um, in their, in their warrior vehicles. Uh, they D bust cleared a bunker position. Um, we D bust at the same time, followed them through, um, and then progressed onto a trench clear in system. Same again. And then the section that I was overseeing, uh, moved on to clear a number of compounds, similar to what you'd find in Afghanistan.
Speaker 0 00:03:29 And, uh, the section had stacked up outside the compound wall next to the entry point. Um, so at that point, the soldiers would be in sort of a soar impairs, ready to go in and clear each room. And I was the last man. So I would have been gone in with the last assault impair. Yeah. Um, but as the first soldier went into the first room, um, as the rounds were fired, uh, they came through the wall, which it was just, um, cause they, they obviously get used regularly by different regiments throughout the time they were just MDF buildings. So they're sort of really flimsy. Yeah. They get used for six weeks taken down and replaced and same again. Um, and so obviously the, the rounds from this light machine gum came through the wall and I had my back to the wall. Um, and it was at that point that I got several gunshots to my right leg and then one to my right shoulder. Um, so the range is obviously brought to hope. Um, the safety staff that I was working with came over and kept me alive, um, basically through Tony K's clumping off my femoral artery, which had been hit a couple of other rounds. Um, so in terms of being hit in the femoral artery bed, an arterial bleed, you've got minutes and the blokes were brilliant. They, they elevated the leg, they clamped off, uh, the artery, um, applied to Tony K's. Um, the first <inaudible> was a bit uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 00:05:24 Um, I'll see. You are still, you're still conscious at this time,
Speaker 0 00:05:27 Right? Yeah. Yeah. Um, I ended up being conscious for our, up to the point of where I was on the helicopter. Um, but the first Tony K was that, that caught, um, my testicles in, in the, uh, Turnock case. So I was obviously screaming.
Speaker 1 00:05:49 It was that high up. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:05:54 When they'd realized they obviously put it back, um, and for out the lads were sort of talking to me, um, kept me, kept me sort of conscious throughout, um, uh, started to complain that my shoulder was, was hurting and they were like, Oh, you know, you'll be fine. And, um, and then they cut, cut my shirt open, realized I had an exit wound at the front of my shoulder as well. Um, that was relatively clean in comparison to the leg. So they just packed that and, and that was, that was fine. Um, and the, the trouble with it being an exercise is that we were having roleplay casual is so to speak throughout the ranges to test the Oxy regimen and their reactions, their casual evacuation drills. And so there was a little bit of confusion when it came to calling in a nine liner. So calling in for a helicopter to come and obviously take me to hospital
Speaker 1 00:07:00 What, cause they thought that this might not be real. This is an exercise playing out. Right?
Speaker 0 00:07:04 Yeah. Um, so there was quite a delay, um, in total it took 90 minutes to get me off the ground. Um,
Speaker 1 00:07:13 A long time in femoral artery bleed out, isn't it?
Speaker 0 00:07:17 Yeah. Um, and I think the hardest part was, um, being a range and overseeing what was a relatively, an experience regimen in terms of their previous deployments to Afghanistan. I don't think that deployed before, um, nobody had morphine pens or anything like that. So this whole experience, um, was a hundred percent like no, no pain relief. Um, so yeah, at that, that I think helped keep me awake. Um, I did, I did slip into a moment of almost comfort and relaxation. Um, and I think it was at that point that my extremities had sort of gone blue. Um, and one of the lads, uh, ended up punching me in the face to basically bring me, bring me the sort of background. Um,
Speaker 1 00:08:16 Yeah, because actually slipping into unconsciousness. And that's the worst thing that we've got to try and keep you awake somehow, you know, better to be screaming in pain and going through and blue. Yeah. Yeah. So it, it did the trick
Speaker 0 00:08:29 And yeah. Eventually, um, sort of plenty of talking and, and sort of reassurance and stuff like that. And cause I didn't really know, no, these lads we were thrown together. Of course.
Speaker 1 00:08:40 Yeah. You're your range supervisor, aren't you? These aren't part of your regiment. Yeah. Or anything else like that. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:08:47 Um, and then yeah, the helicopter eventually turned up. Uh, if I remember rightly it was the links that they sent out, which isn't the biggest of helicopters, not really ideal for getting a stretcher on. Um, but at the point of being on the helicopter, I almost sort of fought I'm safe now and relaxed. Um, and then I, I don't really remember much more of that myself. A lot of the blanks that have been filled in a sort of by my wife in that sense. And I came around two days later, uh, having been on, on life support.
Speaker 1 00:09:27 So those blanks, you said you weren't, so that back to the line of, you know, I died, it was resuscitated. It was actually your wife letting you know that you flatlined for, what was it? You said five minutes or so.
Speaker 0 00:09:38 Yeah. Yeah. Um, so yeah, she said I'd, I'd spend, um, obviously she back home with the time difference, got a knock at the door, uh, from sort of two lads from, from barista that would be in the closest barracks that had been sent to come and sort of let her know. And then the welfare officer from the grenadiers got in touch and said, we've, we've booked you on a flight from Heathrow. You know, you've got a couple of hours basically. Um, we had a newborn son at the time, so she had to sort out childcare. Um, so it sort of all came as a whirlwind, more for her. Um, and yeah, she was flown out. Um, and the Padre, um, from our regimen at the time had basically sort of in, as in as many words said to her on a rival in Calgary that she would be sort of turning off my life support. Um, so that, that was almost what she was sort of flowed out for. It seems well, thankfully,
Speaker 1 00:10:42 No, no. Oh gosh, we're chuckling now. Are we? But it's um, but yeah. How grave was that? And for, you know, your, your partner to have to experience that and, and go through that the, I mean, uh, but also the, the quick thinking of, of people in the presence of mind of people on the ground stabilizing you 90 minute, wait, and then lo and behold, the world's smallest helicopter, not quite, but there's not, not a Chinook. They can just run you on the back of and, and extract you out of. So at what point then, where did the decision around amputation happen? You've stabilized, you've gone through many operations. I mean, I think, is it something like 26 operations that you've had since what point they make the decision? Or did you have to make the decision or was it made for you around amputation? Cause it is, is it your right leg and part of your right shoulder where yes. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:11:41 So they were actually at the time more worried about my shoulder because it was so close to the nerves. They thought I'd lost the use of the arm. Um, so I hadn't moved the arm at all for a couple of days. Um, but they had tried in the two days prior to bring me off of life support and I kept going into cardiac arrest. Um, I had a number of drains coming from the leg and basically I was starting to get organ failure. So the leg was, was killing me basically. There was no feeling in it. It was, it was dead. Um, and I, I think that's partly to do with how long the Tony K's were for as well. Um, but eventually yeah, on the 5th of July. So two days later I was, I, I came off of life support and I remember sort of coming round and my initial sort of fault, um, was that my, like I noticed my wife had had her hair done. So that was the first thing that struck me, um, excuse me. And then, uh, this, this doctor surgeon stepped in and, um, and it said, you know, look obviously explained the accident and said, we need to take your leg today basically, or you're, or you're not gonna, you're not gonna see the day out.
Speaker 0 00:13:10 Um, and being quite sort of stubborn. And, and initially I refused, um, uh, our regimen had had lads before myself from sort of Herrick six that the last legs, um, above the knee and her had struggled really. And the lads below knee tended to sort of progress a lot better. And the, the surgeon couldn't promise that I wouldn't be an above knee and I would only sign the consent form for the operation if he would take it below the knee. Um, so I was given a bit of a talking to by my wife and then I signed the papers and yeah, obviously she, she said within a few hours of having the amputation I'd already started to sort of pick back up. Um, so they, they did have to take quite a bit I'm sort of mid, mid fi in terms of amputation. Um, but yeah, obviously it was a, it was the right decision.
Speaker 0 00:14:17 Um, I think my, my reluctance was more, I, I still want it to be a soldier. I knew that that would mean that would be the end of the career. I still love playing football. Uh, knew that obviously having one leg would, it would be highly unlikely. I'll play football again. And, um, so I, I was thinking of what sort of life am I going to have, um, if I lose the knee as well. So yeah. You know, I sort of shed a tear and stuff as I was going down to fear of, uh, yeah, it was the best decision really
Speaker 1 00:14:58 Well. It sounded like it was the only decision really, despite your reluctance and thinking about limiting, you know, crank your foot guards for, for instance, you know, if we're going to say, you know, and, and all those things, but just being a soldier and being a proud soldier, that's done sermon duties at tower of London and just being able to enjoy those physical pursuits. Of course. And then there would be anger. There would be denial. I can only imagine, but ultimately you knew in your heart of hearts, it was the only, yeah. Well, I think for the listeners here to two things that bloke, some take away one, listen to your wife because clearly that's a lesson that, but secondly, the fact that you noticed that she had had had her hair done was the first thing. I mean, gosh, there's so many men that miss that their entire lives, and that's the first thing he noticed when he came around.
Speaker 0 00:15:44 They're very attentive.
Speaker 1 00:15:47 Yes. And tuned in there. Obviously a heightened sense is around that. Um, let's talk about, so then that there's the whole period of recovery at, uh, at Headley court, which is, you know, center of excellence and, and going through that and that, that long, I can only imagine that sort of long journey back, well, not back to, but into a new identity for yourself, a new life for yourself. And so let's kind of fast forward a little bit. And perhaps we then go back in, because what you've achieved since that fateful day, in terms of your athletic and sporting pursuits, you've you got into bodybuilding and competition bodybuilding, and Britain's strongest disabled man and winning titles and being on the stage with some of the, you know, the sort of superstars of bodybuilding out in the States, and then more laterally you're now back to playing your passion football for Peterborough FC and the disabled.
Speaker 1 00:16:45 Is it the, what's the name of the league? Is it the national amputee football league? There's actually a league for people and PTs like yourself, and you've done amazing things in, in sports. So you've managed to access when you were being wheeled down to the, the surgical room, all those things you thought you're going to be denied, actually you've, you've, you've managed, but how do you go from that? Being able, you know, being able to try and make sense of the fact that you're about to lose your leg and parts of your body to where you are now, what, what magic happened in between? How did you get to where you are now? That's quite fascinating. So let's explore that please. Yeah, no, thank you. Um,
Speaker 0 00:17:27 The, the, the turning point, I was still in denial the first six weeks or so in hospital, still adamant I was going to go on my next promotional course. I, you know, and then I was surrounded by such good men. Um, obviously when I was flying back to England, 12 days after I'd been shot, I was flying to the queen Elizabeth hospital in Birmingham. So there's a ward there, ward four one two, which is, which was all lads being flown back from Afghanistan. And so I, I went onto a ward that was full of men in a far worse state than myself in terms of injuries, but with such a positive outlook. Um, every man there was obviously grateful to still be alive. Um, every man knew the risks of obviously going on operational tours and so forth and all just, you know, that, that typical sort of Squatty mentality of just crack on.
Speaker 0 00:18:29 And that was quite infectious in hospital when you're around such good people. And, and one in particular, um, uh, lads codes, uh, Matt web spider, his name was, and he was, he was opposite me and he'd lost both his legs and his arm above the elbow, the arm that he had left was broken, um, obviously from an IED and within a week or so of being blown up, he was taking himself in an electric wheelchair down to the sort of cookhouse in the hospital, sort of, you know, sit in and sort of playing with sign on his bed. And obviously I had a newborn son at the time as well. And, um, just seeing the, he in terms of limb loss was a lot worse off for myself and he just looked happy. Um, and so I think he was the catalyst for feeling positive, um, from, from early on.
Speaker 0 00:19:32 Um, but one of the things that led me to physically want to challenge myself is every every week we would be weighed on the ward and, um, um, I'm six foot one, and I'd dropped to 61 kilos at my lowest. Um, I'd been nil by mouth so often because I was being taken back down to feta, then I'd ended up back in intensive care back on the ward. Um, and then obviously we've learned being flown back in from Afghanistan. I'd be due to have an operation that would get put back. So then it'd be another day of know by mouth and with the metallic tastes and stuff in your mouth, coming from the morphine and all the other drugs, even when you could eat, you didn't particularly want to. Um, and so I just I'd wasted away in bed and lads from the Grenadines were coming to visit me and they walked past me, um, while I was laying in bed. And because I was, I was unrecognizable and it was only that I was the only granadilla on the ward and they'd seen my regimental tee shirt. And that's what made them come back. And at some weight loss
Speaker 1 00:20:48 Program you're on when you're,
Speaker 0 00:20:50 I wouldn't advise it,
Speaker 1 00:20:52 No, but there's inter isn't it it's quite interesting that ward four, one, two was all I should imagine that was by design because knowing the collective support that squaddies and soldiers will give each other, I should imagine there was quite a bit of banter on that ward. And in many ways it would have felt like being back in barracks of being back in the science mess or whatever times. And it was quite an inspired thing to do of the hospital organization to put you back into that environment. It's almost like you couldn't help, but be uplifted in some way.
Speaker 0 00:21:28 Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I think it's become more apparent how important that was since I've got into things like football and I've met amputees who haven't got a military background and their rehabilitation from losing a leg has been quite an isolated one. Um, you know, they, they've had to experience that all on their own at home and, and struggling. And I was just around people that were all in the same boat and we, we picked each other up, I'd have a down day and someone would, you know, take the pee and vice versa and just, uh, have a sense of humor from day one. Um, like I said, it was infectious and it, it actually, I look back at my sort of nine weeks. I think I spent in total at the queen Elizabeth with like fond memories, um, is obviously such a big, a big part of, of my whole family's lives. Um, but you know, I actually, the few times I've had to go back there for operation since I've been out of the army and stuff. Like it's, it's, there's quite happy memories there because it's, there's a lot of laugh in a lot of piss take in a lot of, a lot of time sort of spent with your families and friends coming up and yeah, it just, it set the, it set the marker for, for sort of going forward.
Speaker 1 00:22:54 Yeah. And I guess also, so you've got the ward there, but also that environment then would have continued in places like Headley courts, where you're continuing your rehabilitation with service men and women around you, and that support structure that, you know, what, what makes great teams often looking to the military is, is where you, you need to look first because that sort of immersive experience, but also we don't allow each other to be down and we'll just take the piss out of you until you put a smile on your face and just get on with it. And, but that is so important that support structure. And I think I know a lot of what you do now is about encouraging and helping and supporting others on their path, not just X service men and women, but anyone. And I know part of your, your mission really is, is to, if you can just help one person just to see, see the opportunity, or just be grateful, the fact that, that, that I've, or whatever it might be is really important to you.
Speaker 1 00:23:53 I know so much we're going to come on. So the strong man piece and everything else like that, but you've, you also you've decided to, I mean, it sounds like, would it be fair to say that you, you, there was a turning point, what was the turning point for you to really get on this path of stretching yourself and going down the strong man, bodybuilding roots and football and everything I said, can, can you trace it back to a moment where you decided that Mark and his identity was all about what you are now rather than what you were previously?
Speaker 0 00:24:24 Yeah, to be fair. It would be the day that I weighed in at 61 kilos, um, I've actually got a photo, uh, with, with my son on the hospital bed. And it was the lightest I was throughout that time. And I was more disheartened by the way that I looked than the fact that I was missing a leg. And I'd said to my wife that, that actual day, when I get out of there, I'm never going to look like this again. Um, and so obviously Headley court is a, it's a slow process, but obviously there is starting stages of, of sort of getting your walk in and, and run in and physio and all that. And, and then that inevitable stage comes off life after the army. And that was where I was lost. And that was where my whole, all of my appointments with the occupational therapists were all about.
Speaker 0 00:25:24 I need to be doing something physically challenging. Um, some lads had a sort of clear vision of what career they wanted to go into. And I, I never really got past that is like, I don't there isn't another job. Like I only, you know, for out school, I just want it to be an infantry soldier. So I never got myself past that point is like, I don't want to do anything else, but I want to do something physically challenging. Um, and I think it, yeah, it all stemmed from the way that I looked that, that particular day in hospital
Speaker 1 00:26:05 And hence the idea to take up bodybuilding. Had you done anything like that, but you clearly go to the gym and as a soldier, infantry, soldier you're physically fit. How do you ever even cross your mind to go into that, that sort of arena that bodybuilding strong man arena?
Speaker 0 00:26:23 Um, I think had I not lost, my Lego would never have done, I would never have pulled a truck or stepped on a stage or anything like that. Um,
Speaker 1 00:26:31 Put a pair of Speedos on and kind of grease for the oil on what I don't know. Was it that cause a lot of it's that, that show piece it's yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:26:41 It was more, it was such a contrast from the way that I looked that day in hospital to be stood up on a stage. Um, obviously people, when they first lose a limb are very conscious. The everybody's staring at them, whether they're in a wheelchair or on a prosthetic leg, or you're looked at a lot and it was like, what, what a journey it would be to have gone from being that ill and weak in hospital to barely be able to lift myself up out of bed. I needed to step in on a stage in front of people, in a pair of trunks to be critiqued. Um, and my, my mindset was when I'm up there, I'm going to be judged on everything that I'm capable of training and everything that I've got left. Um, and in that time that I'm on stage those judges, they're not going to be critiquing me on my leg, but on me as a person and what I've got or still offer.
Speaker 0 00:27:45 Um, so bodybuilding was like the extreme way of growing in self confidence of my appearance. Um, and I'd always, I'd always idolize people like Arnold Schwarzenegger. And, um, I mean, it was met have sort of wide eyes when I said I'm going to step on stage. But when I was at Headley court, I, I used to sit in evenings and look for inspiring sort of amputees online and a number of American, uh, amputees had come up that the done bodybuilding shows and it was like a, an itch that wouldn't go away. Um, and then I just started looking into it more and more and more. Um, and at the time when I very first stepped on stage, there weren't, there weren't many, many amputees if any, that had stepped on stage before in England. So, um, yeah, it was, it was a challenge that it got me out of bed in the morning and excited me and it was an adrenaline rush and all the things that I needed at that point in my life. Um, I mean, I mean,
Speaker 1 00:29:00 What courage that takes cause you are literally being judged on your physical appearance and there's a degree of vulnerability. I mean, who wouldn't feel vulnerable in a pair of Speedos with being judged, but actually that, that is you're laying yourself bare. So it's, it's a really fitting pursuit to take you from where you were at that, you know, that waiflike former, you know, not even an image of your former self to what a transformation, a metamorphosis of your, of your sense, but what was the biggest sort of lesson or affirmation that you took away from that experience? What did it leave you with apart, the trophies and the accolades and the experiences at a sort of at your core, what did that experience leave you with?
Speaker 0 00:29:49 Um, the fact that when, when, when I sort of had S had made it public, you know, to, to lads, I'd sort of serve with and family and friends, um, I'm gonna, I'm going to step up on a bodybuilding stage. You could tell from people's reactions. It wasn't, I don't think many people sort of bought into, I don't know, many people saw me actually carrying it through. And I think in my mind, I realized after I'd done it and I'd had some success with it that anything that I tell people I'm going to do, I can achieve if, if I put in that same level of effort. Um, so it, it then almost sort of manifested into, well, what else can I do? Like, I've, I've proven that I can get my body fat to this percentage. And so on, despite missing a leg oversee the, the able bodied bodybuilders would do a lot of their cardio through running and stuff like that. And so I had to improvise from day one and I found a way, and that, that was what sort of stuck with me from it. If I can find a way to get into that condition to hopefully not look too out of place on stage, then what else can I do as an MPT? Um,
Speaker 1 00:31:15 Yeah. And so did that then lead you to thinking, okay, I've achieved everything I want to in bodybuilding and strongest, man, go pick another challenge. Let's go back to football or what was it not quite as linear as that?
Speaker 0 00:31:31 Um, I think the, the one thing that I didn't enjoy through through bodybuilding and strong man is the loneliness. Uh, funny enough, um, I'd always grown up obviously playing football. So team sports, my time in the grenadiers always around groups of blokes always, you know, venturing out to do stuff as a group. Like I always had people around me, um, and bodybuilding into strong man was I could progression in terms of strength and stuff like that, taking what my body could do to, to the next level, but mentally I didn't enjoy being on my own. Um, and when, when that sort of came to the surface, um, and, and I spoke with my wife about all the things that I was struggling with, one of them was I miss being a part of a group. Um, and I missed, uh, missed football. Um, I, yeah, I just wanted to be a part of something rather than, um, I think strong man, you know, when you step forward for an event, be at the truck board or anything like that, everybody's eyes are on you as an individual. And if you, if you fail, it's all on you, it's your lack of effort, your lack of preparation, everything is, um, it's, it's, it's quite a lot to sort of taken, whereas to be a part of a team, your you're part of something, a unit similar, similar to being in a regimen. And that, that was ultimately what brought me back to football was I missed that, the camaraderie and the togetherness in the changing rooms and working hard for each other. And yeah, I love that side of it.
Speaker 1 00:33:28 And, and so in many ways, I guess you're accessing that part of your military life that you enjoyed, but in a very different way. And again, another challenge, you know, and I dare say, there'll be other pursuits and challenges that you'll go on from football with. And it sounds like it's almost like you've proved yourself that actually anything is possible. And then I know now it's really about helping others believe that themselves or supporting them. And, you know, it's very exciting times and you're going to be a published author come September this year. Um, your, your book, strength of mind, perfect title. I know, I think a wife came up with that title didn't she, which is a nice,
Speaker 0 00:34:10 Yeah. Um, she's obviously played a big part in all of my rehabilitation from literally the, the day that I was shot sort of beam by my bedside to support it, my decision to, to go up on stage, um, to be in their chair, me on a strong man competitions to sort of agreeing with my desire to sort of be back as part of a team and support and everything along the way. And so this book was, was a, a joint effort really. Um, and so we, we, we spoke quite, we do on, on every fight. I've never sort of made decisions on my own. Um, I have to get the seal of approval first. And so the book was though different. Um, and my wife sort of said, you know, with all the things I've done, she said the thing that, uh, she's amazed by the most with me is my strength of mind. Um, and I was like, Oh, I actually, I, I like that. And it, it sort of stuck, um, it was difficult to sort of name a book myself, but to, to see that that's what my wife thinks of me, um, seemed quite fitting.
Speaker 1 00:35:24 Yeah. And it's, it's a, it's a validation of, of her love and admiration for you, but equally what you've clearly demonstrated that others can see, but Mark, let us, let's not kind of pretend that has been plain sailing by, by any stretch. And I I'm guessing there are still moments. I don't know how frequent they are now, but your downtime, your you're the dark cloud or whatever. So how do you manage that? How do you manage, because I'm guessing it's an ongoing process of rehabilitation and how do you personally get your, how do you give yourself the chat?
Speaker 0 00:36:02 Um, I think my, my, my lowest point was something that, um, I've sort of tried to put a lid on. Um, and it, it proved to be sort of my, my downfall in a way. Um, and then when you add in other factors, uh, like sort of pain and, and sort of set backs, you get with walk in, they all came to the surface, uh, probably the worst time. Um, so one of the lads who played a massive part in Canada and keeping me alive, uh, Spence, he was, uh, from the rural works regimen. Um, and he was the man that sort of clamped off my artery. Um, and obviously I owed people like him and the other lads that were with me that day, my life. Um, so we, we became sort of really close, uh, afterwards, obviously I didn't really know him prior to sort of working with him in those couple of weeks.
Speaker 0 00:37:07 And, uh, he was in the Natalie and Wales, so a good, a good sort of journey, but when we managed to get in touch with each other, which proved difficult, uh, I can't say the mod were particularly helpful with putting us in touch with each other because I wanted to thank everybody that had helped me. Um, and when we'd finally got in touch through, through social media, I'd found him, he drove from the neck liter, Milton Keynes that that night, and we sat up all night talking and I sort of put me on the ground, Liam. And we had a sort of moment together. And, um, he had so much sort of belief in what I could do and, and the plans that I had and everything like that. And it was really sort of, um, it was a bit older myself. He was a platoon Sergeant.
Speaker 0 00:38:00 So it, it was almost like a father figure in a way. And we had this, I suppose, a bond, um, you know, I owed him everything and he, for him, my injury was a big thing as well, because he'd said to me that, uh, before myself, that the lads had treated, that had been injured in Iraq and Afghanistan at all passed away. And I was the first person here treated the pulled fro. So we, we, we had like a, you know, something sort of really, and then two weeks after I won my first Britain's, um, yeah, it was, it was sort of struggling, um, and yeah, took, took his own life and yeah. Um, but at the time, um, I just chose to sort of throw myself into, keep him really busy and never really sort of properly dealt with it. I just thought, you know, I'll make him proud and I'll, I'll go off and try and win this, try and win that.
Speaker 0 00:39:07 And I just, I didn't really stop. Um, and that coincided with I'd had an operation on my sciatic nerve that had gone wrong. And so every single step I was taken on my prosthetic was, was painful. Add to that, that I kept gaining weight to try and improve and keep progressing in strongman. Obviously the level, every competition was going up and up and I wanted to, to go up with it. So I was, I was gaining weight almost too much weight for the prosthetic. I had this pain for my psychotic nerve and then something, I was sort of keeping to myself for out strong mom and feeling quite isolated was the, you know, I, I sort of, there wasn't really a day when I wasn't thinking about him, but I was trying to channel that through my events and competitions and my training, and they all just sort of bubbled away.
Speaker 0 00:40:09 And it was a one particular day we were taking the children to Florida. Um, and this was going to be the dream family holiday. Like we'd never been before. And I, I couldn't, I couldn't take a step on my prosthetic. And so we hired a wheelchair. Um, but being in America, it was 10 times too big for me. And so I was relying on my wife pushing me around. Um, and at the time I'd, I'd got so over 20 stone. So I really sort of felt guilty that my wife was bare and all that weight, you know, in the, in the humidity and the heat of Florida. And, um, and I'd, I'd gone from being this sort of proud Grenadier to having no independence at all. Really. I was relying on my wife to, to push me everywhere. Um, I couldn't walk, I couldn't hold the children's hands.
Speaker 0 00:41:08 I couldn't pick them up everything that I prided myself on before I couldn't do. Um, and then, yeah, one particular day at a water park. Um, the wife and children had gone down a slide and it had gone to be my turn and the, uh, sort of person that works at the top of the slide. Wouldn't let me go down. Um, so I was then stuck at the top of this massive Hill in a wheelchair that I couldn't stay on myself. There was only steps down on the slide. Um, no, no phone or anything on me. And I spent close to an hour, just sat at the top of this Hill, like, um, and then, yeah, eventually we got back down, uh, my wife came and sort of found me and helped me down. And, um, we got back to the hotel. I said, I wanted to sort of go and, and we go back to our hotel room and that was the first time I sort of broke down and just poured everything out.
Speaker 0 00:42:12 And, um, yeah, basically said, I didn't wanna, I didn't want to sort of, or anymore. Um, and, and it was almost felt like my social media presence was a bit of a lie because I was trying to still inspire other people or motivate other people to be positive, but yet my own injury had completely sort of taken over. Um, and yeah, I felt a little bit better once. I'd been honest with my wife because I'd, I'd been very sort of temperamental, very sort of snappy miserable. Um, just the level of pain that I was constantly in was so debilitating and I, I hated rely on other people. Um, so yeah, that's, that was my, my, my lowest point. Um, but then, you know, they, that sort of thing of, of once you're at your lowest point, it can only get better. And although I've got a lot of guilt for spoiling our holiday, um, it doesn't leave great memories for the children or my wife.
Speaker 0 00:43:29 I almost selfishly needed that day, um, to admit, because my wife had said in years previous, that I should, should sort of take advantage of the mental health side of things that are Headley court. And my, my mentality was, you know, it only happened in Canada. I only lost one leg, but there's people here far worse off than myself. Like I don't want to waste people's time. And so I'd just cracked on. Um, but yeah, obviously to then reach a point where I actually, you know, what, I'm going to lose everything if I don't actually get help. Um,
Speaker 1 00:44:10 And that's the, um, I guess that's the worst thing you can do is when you compare your situation with somebody else's and think, well, what have I got to complain about? And yes, absolutely. Sometimes, you know, we've got to be grateful what we've got and everything else like that, but that's not healthy to think what have I got to complain? Therefore, I won't complain, or I won't talk to somebody or I won't share how I'm feeling with my wife or where. So I think it takes like, say to your lowest point to realize actually the people that you're trying to protect, actually, you're not protecting them by baring it away. And, and who are we to say that they can't cope with it? Who are we to say that they can't manage what we're feeling? And I think that sense of you're not alone, but it's almost, you have to come to that realization in your own way to, to, to realize actually I'm doing them and myself at service in that.
Speaker 1 00:45:05 And, you know, heaven forbid that anyone listening to this has to go through what you went through, but I guess what we can learn from that is, yeah. And that's, what's so good about this today. One environment that we are talking about, these things we're talking about mental health, they're there, the stigma associated with it is rapidly falling away. Um, and, and that can only be a good thing. And I know that's what you want to pursue in your book. And I think you said to me that one of the biggest sections in your book is the, is the acknowledgement and the thank you section, because actually there are so many people that are there and willing to help us if we are willing to help ourselves by asking for that help or acknowledging. I can't do this by myself.
Speaker 0 00:45:49 Yeah. I've been very fortunate from day one, obviously having met, um, people who've lost, lost limbs as a civilian, uh, B through sort of cancer car accidents and so forth. We've had very different experiences. And I had the luxury, I suppose, of the best level of care for everything from the moment I was flown into the hospital, to the prosthetists, the physios, the occupational therapist, the mental health team, all the consultants, um, the, the lads that were with me at the exact moment I was shot. Um, everybody played such a huge part in sort of keeping me alive. Um, and so, yeah, the, the thank you part of my book is probably the biggest chapter, because there was so many people that helped get me to, to even be here, to write a book, to, to have the experiences that I've had, you know, that's, I didn't achieve anything in strongman without, uh, a, another former Grenadier, uh, had his own gym and took in all of my strongman equipment and opened it up as, and when I needed it, uh, to train organized for me, for trucks to come in for me to pull.
Speaker 0 00:47:10 And so people like him helped me to achieve stuff in strong man, um, people in bodybuilding that had a lot more experience than myself, you know, wrote me out plans, gave me honest advice and sort of critiqued me along the way and, and made me a better sort of bodybuilder made me a better strong man. And then obviously ultimately, um, yeah, my wife's sort of honest, honest feedback in, uh, and, and support the, yeah, it's, it's, although some of those achievements is it's the individual that goes up and collects the trophy. Um, there's a whole limit of people that got me to that point. Um, and even the people that I was in hospital, we have an Hedley wave. They, they gave me the foundations and the mindset that, you know, wow, like one of the lads, Matt spider, um, I used to go swimming with him at heady court in the afternoons, and he only had one arm left and he could swim lymph after <inaudible> and, you know, you see that and you think, wow, like what I, if he can do that, I can do that. And you're surrounded by people that are doing amazing things. And obviously the Invictus games are sort of Testament to that. And I had the privilege of going through my rehabilitation with those people. Um, and so I've tried to sort of, I've tried to make it worthwhile the fact that I was kept alive.
Speaker 1 00:48:43 Yeah. It's repaying, whatever debt you feel to them, the best way you can do that is to be the best version of Mark that you can be. And, and, and, uh, and I, for one, believe that it, cause it's coming through my, what you're doing is incredible. And I think the paying it forward with strength of mind and the book being published is, is fantastic. So as we, as we wrap up, if, if somebody wants, is it been inspired or wants to get in touch or wants help? How, how can they find you? What, what, what, what, where are you out in cyberspace and that, where else?
Speaker 0 00:49:21 Um, so I, I, I've got my, my, my Facebook page, my Instagram page, or my, my YouTube channel. And they're all Mark Smith amputee footballer. Um, I try and sort of just put things on there that are very sort of positive and, and show what can be done that in the military, it was all about what you could do. Um, and I found early on outside other people's perspectives of what an amputee could do was, um, you know, but you're missing a leg. You're not about to do that in a way I do this. And my page from day one has very much been about proving what you can do. Um, and I hope that in the posts that I put that, that comes across and some of the messages I've had on there have been, um, overwhelming really that, you know, I'm, I'm just trying to sort of show the positives because in a way, now that I look at it, actually being an amputee is probably of the best things that could have happened to me. Um, I get to experience all of these amazing sports go to all these amazing places I get to sort of play an active role in my sort of children's upbringing. Obviously had I still been in the forces, I would have spent a lot of time away from home still. And, um, yeah, just to sort of show someone that perhaps is, has just had an amputation that you can do anything you want to do. Um, it's just, it's a mindset. Um, and I hope, I hope that comes across sort of through those, those pages,
Speaker 1 00:51:06 It comes across. And like I said, at the start of this episode, I wanted to have you on the show for a long time. I've been following, uh, your, your transition from bodybuilder to, to football, uh, and you know, uh, sort of an inspiring public servants. So thank you very much for spending the time on this episode of what I have another chat further down the line. And, um, and it's been a real pleasure. So thank you very much.
Speaker 0 00:51:31 Thank you. Thanks for <inaudible>.
Speaker 1 00:51:41 It's an amazing man, utter inspiration and still manages to retain his sense of humor when he thinks back to the event, but also during the event itself, which has shaped Mark to be the man he is now, um, dedicated to a life of gratitude, a life of paying it forward and helping others, um, because he's been helped so much, and I wish him all the best with his book, um, and whatever his, his endeavors take him to next, you know, bodybuilder strong man. Now a footballer who knows what this amazing person will turn his hand to. And so I'm definitely going to have Mark back on a future podcast episode. I'm really hope you enjoyed this one. And if you can support Mark's work in any way, then that'd be great too. If you want to get in touch with me, Peter Lewis, coaching.com, full of resources, blog posts, and some free training, you can get your hands on, but of course also this podcast is on all major podcast platforms and primarily Spotify and Apple podcasts. Hope you enjoyed it. I see it on the next one.
