Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 Hello, my name is Peter Lewis and welcome to the, give yourself the chat podcast, the show dedicated to a life
Speaker 1 00:00:06 Performance.
Speaker 0 00:00:13 So everyone welcome. This is the first episode of the give yourself a chat podcast. And who do you have for your first guest? Um, well, for me it was pretty obvious actually. Um, there's a friend coach mentor of mine guy called Tommy gentlemen. I've got Tommy G on the call today, Tommy, how are you? I'm really, really well. Pete, it's great to be here with you. I'm an APS I'm absolutely privileged and honored to, uh, to be your first ever guest on this podcast, going down in history so much. I want no, you're so welcome. Um, I, I've got to say I'm a bit nervous. I have to say, even though you and I, we go back some time now. Um, I was just trying to wrap my brain so things about 10 years or so, and we'll, we'll perhaps cover a little bit of that on this call, but I was thinking of who do you have for your first podcast guests?
Speaker 0 00:00:59 And I thought, well, you've just hit a hundred podcasts, haven't you? I saw recently, yeah, recently a hundred episodes yet recently I think, well, not 104 now, which is amazing. And, uh, I thought, well, I mean, that's part of your, the inspiration for trying to get out of my comfort zone here. And I guess I gave myself the chat is that if you're going to get on and do it, then, then do it now, especially during this, this coronavirus situation, everyone seems to find a lot of time on their hands. And, uh, I guess I'm no exception that's, but I wanted to put some energy into that time. So you were the obvious choice and you thankfully you said yes. So, um, so as I mentioned, we met, I think it was about 10 years ago. I was running a school project at a local school here in Andover, and it was about getting kids, uh, fit and healthy and into a routine and doing those kinds of small incremental things that I'm a big fan of.
Speaker 0 00:01:53 And you very kindly came in and hung out with us and did a, a lesson in ATM. I don't know if you remember that at all. I do. I do remember it and it was probably closer to 15 years ago. Seriously. Yeah, it was before I went to New Zealand and I went to New Zealand. I was 19, I'm 31 now almost 32. So I think it probably would have been 14 years ago, mate. Oh my God. So I've known you since you were in shorts then that's, I mean, we're just going to jump straight in here. You, you were in my, um, I had a little black book that I can't, uh, but in a good way, right. Of people who said nice things to me when I was, when I was going through my life and sort of early adulthood and whenever, you know, a grownup gave me, um, some words where I thought actually that's, that's different to what you're told, you know, by most people. And I think you said to me that guy's going to go far or you're going to go far and you said it to somebody else in front of me as well. And I wrote that down cause it's a little book of like moments when these people would have said stuff like that to me. Um, and I remember, and I actually sent you a
Speaker 2 00:03:00 Message, I think pretty about four years after. Yeah. I'm just saying, do you remember me? We did this. I think, I think I I'm romantically in my head. I did definitely do this, but I think I did actually do think, I just said thank you for yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 0 00:03:14 And I was kind of blown away with just the expression of gratitude and the fact that I had made some kind of difference in somebody's life. And, and that was, I mean, it was just kind of blew me away, but I can't believe it was about 15 years ago. That's insane. Yeah. So, um, I mean, I guess we can jump off then into letting the listeners know a little bit about what is it you do and what you're currently doing and how this situation may have affected all the businesses you're involved in. Cause one thing I know
Speaker 2 00:03:43 You never stand still. You're so busy. So
Speaker 0 00:03:46 A bit of a kind of a background on that then.
Speaker 2 00:03:49 Yeah. I guess the easiest place to start would be what's going on right now, which is, um, I have a handful of clients that I help as a business consultant. Um, I'm a consultant to the business owner, so I essentially help them reduce their stress, their overwhelm and increase their profits and get that time back out of their business as well. And I predominantly work with businesses or business owners that work online, which is great because that's pretty much everybody now, um, during this current recording, we've, we're obviously going through COVID-19 as, um, I know you already mentioned actually. Um, and uh, I'm doing that from my garage right now. Um, because that's the one place where I can operate, I call it my bunker. Um, so that's, that's, what's going on right now is what I, that I do own a gym, but that's kind of on pause because we're closed and we've got various things in place to keep things safe and, and whatnot.
Speaker 2 00:04:37 Um, but over the last decade, um, I've been building towards the person that I am now on a professional level. I've always known deep down. I'll be working with business owners, but I felt like I needed to just have a go at myself for a bit, get some experience running my own businesses from offline businesses, working with clients as a PT, to a small PT studio, to eventually a fully fledged gym. Then I ran a few online businesses, I've run events, businesses, um, and, uh, I've dabbled with books and talks and stuff like that along the way. Um, but it's very, it's been a very linear journey and I know that you've been watching over the course of the last 10, 12 years, um, which is so nice to know. Um, and that we're talking today is just awesome. But yeah, it's, it's been, uh, a nonstop process.
Speaker 2 00:05:25 I don't stop. And I think when we're honest about ourselves, no one really does. It's just whether you're doing the things that are bring in the most return on your investment of your energy. So whether it's spoon or not. Um, but yeah, that's me. I kind of, uh, I'm in a simple situation right now, uh, which I'm very welcome to. I'm also a father of two very young children. One's one in like a week and the other is three. So it's full on my working hours are now half seven at night till midnight in the daytime. It's pretty hard to do anything because
Speaker 0 00:05:58 We're playing in the garden and we're trying to keep them alive basically where it's yeah, it's really tough, isn't it? Because all they see is mum and dad at home and of course it's playtime and what difference they know and why would they assume any different it's slightly different in my house. So we've got two teenagers. I think the only time we're see him, if the wifi goes down and they come downstairs, so dad what's going on with the wifi, you know, so, but it's interesting times we live. I mean, there's, there's a whole load of stuff that you've been involved in there. And it's, it's interesting. We've had a lot of parallels with discovering internet marketing at various times, similar authors. I know you're a big fan of Frank Kern and Brendon Burchard. Um, you know, and we've, we've kind of trained with them both and both self-published I know you, you did, you publish it, but recently you've got super self summit.
Speaker 0 00:06:42 The whole notice stuff is, and I've always viewed our relationship a little bit like it's mentor and mentee, but I think those hats switch, I think sometimes on the mentor and sometimes you are, and, and it kind of works really, really nicely, isn't it? So there's, there's an awful lot, but I think your comment about where you place your energy is really important. I might like to just because you mentioned they did all these things and you bought this, brought you to this place now, so yeah. Would you have changed anything in, in that I know it's been quite linear, you said, but would you change that journey at all? I mean, there's stuff that hasn't gone to plan that's for sure, but I certainly wouldn't change it because it's taught me valuable lessons to give me more understanding and strength now. And I'm very grateful at the time.
Speaker 0 00:07:28 It was not, not great. You know, the things that don't go to plan, but now, because those things have happened, it's enabled me to bring even more clarity to the table. Whenever I'm working with a business owner, I'm able to use my own experience and reference points. I know we're going to be talking about coaching today. Yeah. I think it's a fascinating one in terms of coaching, because a great coach, well, past coach doesn't necessarily have to have done the stuff that the coach has been the person to to do that. I, I do think it helps. And I think it's based on your personality. And I know within myself that I would hold so much more clarity and confidence having been through something similar to then help that help me help them. Does that make sense? No, it does. And I know working with business owners as well, it's really important for them to know that you understand business and if you've been in business and you've worn the battling or the scars of battle, like they, they have, but you might, we want to talk about coaching today.
Speaker 0 00:08:33 Cause I, you know, I sort of asked you in advance, what sort of topic areas would you like to pick? And you pick coach. I'm so glad you did because you know, it was close to both our hearts there, but I've always struggled with this tension between, you know, do you have to know everything about their business or their situation to coach? And the simple answer is no you don't, but the expectation from the coaching is often that well I'd like you to. Um, so that's an interesting tension. I've always found with coaching, um, that, that exists in their mind, but it shouldn't really matter.
Speaker 2 00:09:05 Yeah. There's, there's a great, I can't remember where it was, but something along the, the years of my education, my learning, I came across this statement, which is a great coach, helps somebody to get somewhere that they would not be able to get to on their own. Now I think that's true, but I also think it's got, it's a loophole there, which I prefer to challenge, which is that a great coach can either help someone get to get somewhere. They, they are unable to go on their own or they can get someone there faster and safer. They make less mistakes, unnecessary mistakes. Um, and they get the result much quicker because they have the help of somebody else, the coach in their corner. So they don't need to know my opinion is a great coach. Doesn't need to know everything. I think that would actually prohibit and perhaps even paralyze their progress because they'd be wasting too much time trying to know things I need to know. A great coach is able to find the one thing that has to develop or change and allow and encourage the individual to do it. Yeah. That makes the big difference, which changes the game for them.
Speaker 0 00:10:16 Yeah. And, and it's holding the space from too to be able to do that. And, uh, uh, but I think, you know, a lot of coaches will one make the mistake of, of trying to, you know, sort of solve things for them. I think you, you, you may have the experience, but you've got to hold back on that experience as well. Um, and for me, coaching is all always been about, um, how do you facilitate the thinking and others and it's that facilitation skill and being more comfortable with not knowing the answers, but knowing, yeah. Developing your question technique has always been for me, the hallmark of it.
Speaker 2 00:10:50 I have a good coach and so underrated. Yeah,
Speaker 0 00:10:53 Yeah, yeah. And there's, there's a lot of coaches out there that might just follow a framework and whatever it might be. But I think that experience that you allude to allows you to dance in the moment and, and sometimes, you know, it's okay to give a little bit of advice because a little nudge down there opens up so much more. And I think only that that experience that you build through, you know, over the years kind of helps you do that. Um, yeah. So what I asked you, why, I mean, why coaching on this call? I mean, there's a whole load of stuff you could talk about. Why, why coaching and why now,
Speaker 2 00:11:26 Truthfully, I looked at the list and I was struggling to actually read the, you know, sometimes we just struggled to read the words. Yeah. Those, those words they were just, so I just went right. Hang on. Just use your gut instinct here. Yeah. And there was two examples that go to subjects that jumped out and then after it, it will to, and fro with you, it was agreed upon that. We would talk about coaching. Now, the reason I think that one jumped out is because I have a passion for this industry. I know you do as well. And having now been in this industry, you know, been through lots of different versions of how to bring products and services to the market. As a coach, I have a pretty good understanding of how it works and although everyone's always learning and that includes me and you or you and I, um, it's definitely an area that I have a few, I just want to cut through the quick, a little bit so that people who are either coaching themselves either they are a coach or they are thinking about becoming one can maybe just save themselves a little bit of time and unnecessary waste to energy by knowing a few home truths.
Speaker 2 00:12:36 Um, so it was a bit of a kind of, I was tempted to talk about this one for shining a light on some stuff as well. Always think that it's good for a first episode on a podcast series, juicy conversation because you know, the coaching industry, especially now one of the weirdest things at the moment is that if you're coaching and you're putting out content and adverts, you're actually an easy target for people to have a go at. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's happening a little bit. Um, because people are a little bit sort of heated, but you've got to ask yourself, why is that? Why, why are coaches getting that negative attention perhaps? Um, and I think it's because of the stuff that's been going on over the last sort of 18 months, which has given coaches or coaching a little bit of a strange reputation. Um,
Speaker 0 00:13:27 So what, what have you noticed going on there? Because I think I know what you mean, but see if it's a benefit I got called a scammer, seriously.
Speaker 2 00:13:35 He had a comment on an ad. You don't need this guy. He wants you to thinking he needs you so he can have you. Um, it wasn't even for anything that they could buy, it was purely content. Um, but the, the guy obviously put me in a category that he had past experiences of. Um, and that's what I mean, that's where that comes from. So, you know, I don't want to talk about qualifications and stuff. That is a valid part of all of this, but the biggest thing for me, and this is where the practical advice can come in for people. And you're doing this now, which is amazing. I love seeing it. We spoke earlier a week ago or so. And I gave you my sort of thoughts on this. Um, but the, the absolute only way to do it is to show how good you are by actually showing up, um, don't hide behind your ads. Don't hide behind your funnels, but actually get out there, start building content for people to actually benefit from show how good you are, because reputation and experience some results. Those are the things that separate you, not like how fancy your profile looks or how good you are as a speaker or how good your adverts are, that stuff you can actually learn to do that, but to be a great coach, like people sort of, they are,
Speaker 0 00:14:52 It's actually about being able to get a result. Yeah, you're absolutely right. And, you know, likes and impressions and all that kind of stuff is I see where, I mean the amount of adverts you see for people say, you know, it'd be a, be a six, seven figure coach and all that kind of stuff. It's yeah. You just got to show up and do it and demonstrate. I was once, um, I had a great line to do with when I was learning to be a coach. It was, you know, don't tell me how funny you are. Just make me laugh, you know, and I'll know then how funny you are. Um, and, and I think good coaches are like that, but also I think a great coach would never admit to being a great or a good coach cause they realize it's just a continuous learning journey.
Speaker 0 00:15:33 And I think you said earlier on with her on this talk tonight about how you just learning all the time and I think that's the sort of mindset you need. Um, and, and if we go back to the idea of this podcast and say, just getting out there and doing it, I mean, of course this is, this is the give yourself the chat podcast. I gave myself the chat to, I could look at all these other people in the coaching community, putting out content and whatever. And I'm thinking I've got something to offer here, but I don't know how. And so I had to kind of give myself the chat and I think a lot of, um, what we can do is self coach as well. I mean, so much of coaching is being able to not only have a coach, but also self coach.
Speaker 0 00:16:08 And so I've had to do that. And I think this idea of give yourself the chat, which is about taking personal responsibility and, and, and really accepting that everything in your life is down to the choices you've made, linked really nice to coaching because I just think coaching is really about how do you get people from their sort of circle of concern into their circle of control? How do you get them thinking that actually, what I need to do now is a decision that is within my control because there's too many other things out there I could worry about. I could worry about a coach that, I mean, I could worry about Tommy G who's got a hundred podcasts and I'm thinking, God, I'm nowhere near that. Well, you've just got to start, you know, said to me the other day, you know, you don't have to be great to start, but you do have to start to be great. So, you know, I've given myself the chat. So how do you, how do you give yourself the chat when you're either coaching yourself or coaching others? Give us some, some ideas around that. Okay. I'm just going to swap my batteries and died on me. Oh no, these batteries have died. I guess we can edit that out.
Speaker 0 00:17:08 Yeah. Yeah. Well, this will be going out on YouTube as well. So they'll, they'll actually see you change headphones. Um, and this is, this is slick podcasting one Oh one, I and say, yeah, that sounds pretty good. Always have a plan and always have a backup. I'm learning all the time. I need to make a note of that. So did he catch the question about how do you give yourself the chat? How do I give myself the chat? So I think it's very easy to get fall into the trap of measuring yourself against others, as you've just said it with the example of the podcast, episodes is a to look at that,
Speaker 2 00:17:50 Um, doesn't matter what it is by the way it could be podcast. Episodes could be the stage that you speak on. It could be the amount of clients that you've got could be something as material was an advert with a guy leaning on a Ferrari, which, you know, I, I, I don't know. I'm not going to talk about that, but I just think that they must, they must rent though. Surely they, they just don't care now. No, I just started getting, you know what I mean? Like it's whatever. Um, so yeah, the, the, the measuring process can fill your head with doubt. And I think at that point, you've just got to go back to the face of the human being that you're last helped. And you got to see that face in your, in your own mind. And you've just got to remember that.
Speaker 2 00:18:31 That's what it's about. It's about those eyes and what's going on behind those eyes and how you've made a difference to them, because there's no doubt that when you, when, if, and when you are feeling any doubt, that is the remedy that you need. You need that lift of, yes, I can do this. And so you're allowed, I believe in that, in that situation to actually say, yeah, you know, I am good at this because this is what happened when I worked with that person. Now, what we don't need by the way is like that person to tell us how great we are or post up online, how right we are. We just need to internalize and give ourselves the chat. As you've said of, I am good at this, I do make a difference to people's lives. I can help them get from a to B.
Speaker 2 00:19:17 And that is what they pay me for. They don't pay me for what car I drive. They don't pay me for how many followers I've got. They don't pay me for all of the bells and whistles and they pay me for the difference I can make to them and help them achieve something in their lives. Yeah. And I guess that is reminding yourself all of that, because you can lose sight of that, Connie. Um, yeah. And I guess even those people who aren't coaches at uni, but are coaching and work there, or even the business owners that you, you, you coach and work with, or people that just want to get the most out of their teams, it's equally as applicable just to connect with, you know, what, if my intention is good and, and, you know, I want to serve that person that was going to kind of connect with that.
Speaker 2 00:20:03 And so their chat might be just to remind themselves of that. Not necessarily about, you know, work on, it gives so much better than them or whatever. Cause now you say, Oh yeah, that's, it's just head junk, isn't it stuff. And I think that the chat to kind of remind yourself of the difference you're making and really, really important one. Yeah, it goes right down to just breathing. In my opinion, if you, if your breath, if the breast that you are, the, um, the breasts that you take have good intention behind them. And sometimes that's just enough. Anyway, I think if you're in a position where you're not a coach and you're feeling the pressure right now, then just knowing that every time you breathe it's with good intention is, uh, is enough of a comma in, you know, in my opinion, to hopefully be able to just settle you down a bit and just think I'm just trying my best. I think sometimes we underestimate how important trying your best really is. Uh, we're not trying your best, doing your best, doing your best. Yeah. Yeah. Because just, that's all you can do. There's nothing more than that. And if you're doing your best, you can at least hold your head up high about that.
Speaker 0 00:21:17 Well, that, that's interesting, isn't it? Cause you corrected yourself. Uh, it's not trying, it's doing your best. I think if you can, you know, if you can look yourself in the mirror and, and have that chat with yourself, you know, back to the chat that actually do, you know, did I do my best to diet with intention? Is that the best I could have done with the resources I had, the energy I have all that kind of shit that's going on in my life then I think actually that's, that's the route to fulfillment, isn't it really? Because
Speaker 2 00:21:42 Yeah, you do. Other than that. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:21:44 A lot of people just miss that point, I think when you connect with that, it's like, well, yeah, I'm happy.
Speaker 2 00:21:51 Yeah. And, and as a kid and as a coach, sometimes we feel like we need to have like this sort of epiphany answer for people. Yeah. And actually some of the best advice I've ever had has come from my dad. There was no way to coach. I mean, it is because he does, he says great things to me, but his profession is not a, he's a, he's a joiner. Um, so yeah, multiple times he's been the one that pierces through whatever it was that was in the way of my vision, his pace through that with simple words. And often they've been like using examples of perhaps him, this is really interesting psychology because he's my dad. So I obviously hold him in a high regard and I know everyone's relationship with their parents is different. And you know, some of it, some of these relationships are simply memory-based, but still they are still relevant.
Speaker 2 00:22:42 They still serve a purpose. Um, and the coach is this to his or her clients, right. Someone of a position where they should perhaps know more and have had more experience and have some wisdom. And, um, the best advice that I've ever been given from him is when he's basically said how, like how he struggled with something when he was in a similar position. And you just relate that back to me, just try my best or sorry, do my best. And like, and it's just like, it's one of those ones that hits your hair and your heart and you just feel it as like real, it's just simple and it's real. And so as a coach, sometimes you can go, Oh, you know, dah, dah, dah, and you can overcomplicate things. And it can be very much just words. Or you can show a little bit of vulnerability yourself, which I think is a card to play when the time is right.
Speaker 2 00:23:38 Uh, in my professional opinion, not too early, I think this card should only be played when it absolutely must be paid, um, as a coach to help the client. Otherwise it can become a bit of a recurring pattern, but you want this car to be paid and it's bang and you're out, it's the, it's the interrupt that was necessary for them to move the needle at that point. And it could be something like, you know, Hey, when, when I did this, I made a terrible job of it. It was a train wreck. Um, this happened that happened, this person told me to do one. And so, you know, I just want you to know I'm still here and I did all that, you know, and it can be the words you need at that point, you know, simple and empathetic and slightly vulnerable. Well, I'm glad, I'm glad you use the V word, their vulnerability because I talk about vulnerability in the sort of leadership programs I do with people and saying, you know, leadership needs to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2 00:24:30 You need to kind of move into that soft underbelly to create a safety that sort of psychological safety with your teams. And it's, it's as applicable for coaching as it is leadership as it is people managing it. In fact, increasingly I see coaching and leadership as, as, as kind of part of the same hole, the same sort of truth, because I think if you try and separate them out, I don't think in this day and age, if you're a leader and you're not coaching or taking a coaching approach and able to provide that bit of vulnerability, then I don't. I think, I think you're holding onto a leadership model of a bygone era. So yeah. Did that vulnerability piece it'd be, so you might, you don't want to play it cause people want confidence. They want confidence in you as a coach. You want confidence in you as a management leader.
Speaker 2 00:25:10 If you're always exposing your vulnerable self, then you say it becomes a repeat. It's important. But I think it takes courage to be vulnerable. Yeah. Well, I, yeah, I'm so pumped. You said the, the, the courage word. Um, I think it's necessary as ingredient vulnerability is necessary as an ingredient to be courageous. Um, if you think about a simple example, which everyone can relate to think about a movie where the lead role, you would identify as a courageous character, the storyline, the narrative always, always involves vulnerability, whether that's they're outnumbered, whether that's they have to face their demons, whether that's that they get isolated, whether that's that they like, like almost get to feed. There's always that bit of vulnerability. That's like, right. I'm going to become something beyond what I've been before now. And to do that, I'm going to have to show who I really am and that's that vulnerability, which then comes out as courage when the actions applied that then moves things to the next level. And like, I love it. I love cars. I love, I mean, I'm a, I'm a geek, you know, through and through. I love my, my superhero. I've got one Gotham's tee shirt on right now. I see that it's a, you know, for me, I love the storyline and I love the, uh, I love all that. And so that's the easiest way for me to explain that you have to have vulnerability or courage does not exist. Yeah, yeah. That is, that was really interesting. And I think, I think more, more people are tuning into
Speaker 0 00:26:44 That. It's interesting. I, I I've recently put out some blog posts where I kind of expose some vulnerability about, you know, some of the struggles I've experienced and, and how I've had to give myself the chat and, and by the way, give you some the chat. Isn't always it, but it's not the sole major model of just giving yourself a stern talking to police altogether. I think it's just that, that frame, that pattern interrupt that you do yourself. And, um, I put some blog posts out I'm really quite vulnerable, and it's amazing how that connected with some people. And they've sent me some personal posts and say, did you know what that really helped? That just came at the right time. And it goes back to that piece about being a coach that serves it's, you know, there's not look at me, look at my Ferrari and everything.
Speaker 0 00:27:22 I was like, this is just not who I am. And if this resonates with you, then I think that's where coaching really works. Because I think there is a responsibility on both sides of that equation to make coaching work, whether the coachee realizes it or not, whether the team member realizes it or not. It's how do you, how do you make that kind of synergy work? And that's a challenge as well, you know, cause there's some people that are not prepared to help themselves and give themselves a chat, then can coaching help them. It just becomes a bit, bit hard work. Really? Isn't it? Yeah, it does. That's why there's always a risk with vulnerability that you attract people who aren't ready. They would rather have a, I say this in the most loving way on a CID, they would rather have a pity party, um, and just have more people around them that they can go.
Speaker 0 00:28:10 And, um, you know, yeah, it's bad. It's hard, isn't it? And I, here's my story. Uh, you know, I've struggled all my life. And so like, that's one of the risks about being like over vulnerable when you lead with a marketing message or some kind of like way in like that. Now I think it's important to let people know that you have to depth and understanding of something that you could help them with otherwise, how could they possibly know that you could help them? That's why you could help them because you've been through stuff. Like that's why it's cause you've learned that. And you've got that about as well as obviously having the skills to help them. Um, but I, I, when I picture the moment where you show your cards and you're vulnerable with your client, for me, the real vulnerability, not like the stage vulnerability, because the stage from Rebecca, I've spoken from stage many, many times my own events, even the TEDx talk where I've, I've talked about my, you know, my brother, even me doing this now is, is staged from residency. I'm just going to be honest because I still know how it sounds. I've rehearsed it. I still know what I'm trying to achieve at this stage. It's not actual vulnerability. If it was then I would be shitting myself because I'll be thinking what's going to happen here. Someone's going to like, call me my phone and tell me this and tell me that. So I already understand what's going to happen, which is why it stays on Betsy. Now there is a point to this stage from ability is useful for letting people help them understand
Speaker 2 00:29:42 That you understand that. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But when I think about it and switch view different for the listener. When I think about that moment, where we connect on a soul level, the way I see it is I come sit down next to you and you're in it, you're in a heap. And I come and sit down next to you like this. And I put my arm around you and I start crying too. And I'm going, I know how this feels really. I do you think, you know, but this is, this is actually what you need to know right now. And then you tell them the bit. Yeah. And then they look at you and they're like, thank you for sharing that with me. And there's clarity again because they go, I'm not the odd one out. Cause don't forget at this point as the coach and the client, they already know your story because the stage vulnerability was probably my first place.
Speaker 2 00:30:32 Yeah. Yes. So they already know that. So they think that you've got nothing for them here. Right. They think you've got nothing for them. They go in, I'm just a fucking loser. This, this guy, I know what he's been through. And look at him. He's some sort of shining example of what you can do with your life. And now I'm working with them because I thought you'd be able to help me. And I suck. Yeah. Right. And so that's why at that point, that moment of connecting with someone on a soul level and just being like, may, like, this is something you don't know. Yeah. And I don't think we should ever be bringing that to the stage section of our vulnerability because then what they get, then we don't have that true. Like the, the part of us that we would that's vulnerability. Cause it's a part of us that we want to keep to ourselves. Right. That's why it's vulnerable. Whether it's because we don't want everyone to know.
Speaker 0 00:31:25 Well, yeah. And equally you can't bring it to that sort of stage vulnerability because how do you know that that's what that person needs. It's only when you get to that moment in the relationship, then that actually will expose itself and you know, and how it shows up and in what form? I think that's, that's, that's really powerful stuff. Um, if my mom's gonna listen to this product, I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to beat the F word out there.
Speaker 2 00:31:52 Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:31:53 I'm teasing you. I won't say anything. I've dropped an SNF Bob. Oh, that's brilliant. Yeah. I'm gonna have to do for my podcast guessing and see who's the most profane. Well, you can't put it on that as a non explicit. Um, Hey, tell me, this has been fascinating. And, uh, guess what, we'll definitely talk again on this, but I just want to just bring things to a close now. Um, for the listener, there's just so much there. I mean, crikey, we, we, we agreed that we would just leave it around the frame of coaching and see where it went. And I'm so glad we went to talking about courage and vulnerability. I I'd love it. Just if we can start to think about how we might just leave some ideas with the listener, um, around coaching either for those who are professional coaches and facilitators and people like us listening or, or those. So, you know, your, your business owners that you're working with or people who are in corporate life, what kind of things would you want to leave them that they can perhaps think about coaching differently or go and try and post, give themselves a chat. Say, do you know what? Why not?
Speaker 2 00:33:01 Cool. Yeah. Well, first of all, to give yourself the chat as a coach, if you believe that you are here to help people then go and help people, you don't have to take over the world. You don't have to speak in front of thousands of people. You don't have to have the most popular podcast. You don't, you just need to be able to help people and have fun. And if that includes podcasting and speaking and stuff, and so be it, if it doesn't, then you can die with a smile on your face, knowing that you fulfilled what it was that you were supposed to do as a human being. It doesn't get any more simple than that. Just don't get distracted, stay focused on the core reason why you feel like you need to be doing this, why you should do it. So there's that for the, for the coaches, for the, for the, um, for the people who aren't coaches that are listening to this in regards to coaching itself, you absolutely will benefit by having people in your corner. I call it the, uh, the corner team. It's like, okay, I've done a lot of martial arts in my life and competed England multiple times at sport jujitsu. You know about this reviewed me about this.
Speaker 0 00:34:09 That's another podcast. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:34:12 Yeah. It was on the, it was still on YouTube. And I'm going to talk about that in a second. That's really about something important to say. Okay, cool. We're going back to the original point about fighting, who you've got in your corner team matters so much because it's not about the site. It really isn't. They might say some stuff on the night. You probably won't hear it. But if there is one thing that they say, and it changes the game for you and you ended up winning instead of losing, then that's worth its weight in gold for itself. But most of the work is done weeks before the fight. It's the preparation, it's the understanding of the strategy. And it's knowing that you've got people in your corner that have the same interest as you, which is for you to succeed. Don't underestimate how valuable that is.
Speaker 2 00:34:52 And if you're running a business where you're earning, you know, at least 250 K a year in revenue, then it means that you've probably got staff and it is useful to actually employ a coach or a consultant in amongst your corner. People not as an employee, but as someone who you bring in to help you with, uh, whatever it is that you feel like they can help you with. Obviously everyone has a different, a different approach. That's a valuable tool and that's, I mean, the world is now you can take your pick. You can head on whoever it is that the best person is for your particular goal based on experience, based on personality, based on reputation. So I want to share those two things. I'm just going back to, um, the, the interview there and it is relevant because my last thing is you, the listener are in great hands right here, or rather your ears are because this guy, I'm a guest on his first episode.
Speaker 2 00:35:43 And I have to say this because you probably won't come out with it himself because that's the sort of fellow that he is. But he's extremely, there's one of the most serving people that I've ever met. Um, we said at the beginning of this episode, mate, you've been in my radius for over a decade. We've gone years, one or two, three years without talking, but then whenever we do, you actually really care about what I'm doing and we we've always kept in touch. You're very, very caring. You asked phenomenal questions. You're, you're an amazing question, asker. Um, and you always have been, I was come out of coffee meetings thinking, did I actually ask him a question? It felt like he was, you know, I felt like I was just talking and I don't know, maybe it, maybe I should have asked more, but that's, that's because that's the sort of person that you are.
Speaker 2 00:36:32 So you were in great, great hands or whether your ears are, this podcast is going to go straight to strength and Diane absolutely, uh, honored to be your first guest. But yeah, I just wanted to reach out publicly, put you on the spot a little bit and say, thank you for being there. Cause you've always been there. Um, and I would consider you to be one of the five people that I would consider real proper mentors in my life. You know, like the ones that they, they don't ask for anything, if there's a mutual trade to be had great, but you've always cared and been there. So I really appreciate that. And I wanted to say that publicly because a, the listeners need to understand that the guy that's the guy that's looking at
Speaker 0 00:37:16 After them now blown away told me that's Oh, that's awesome. I mean, genuinely from about my heart, that's that kind of makes my heart sing because that's just can't well, how can you be lost for words at the end of your own podcasts? And they're got to try and wrap this up, but you've done it. How many? So thank you so much, Tommy. We're going to speak again. I know on these podcasts, we've got to explore the whole sporting side of what you do and what I do and, and all that kind of stuff. Um, but I w I really want to thank you. I knew choosing you for the first
Speaker 2 00:37:47 Episode of the, give us the chat podcast would be great. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:37:52 Um, you've been an inspiration to me and let's, I I'm, I'm going to take that, that acknowledgement of me and take that, you know, how I feel about you, but I just want to kind of soak that one up, cause it's really, really important, um, that you feel that you can say that. So thank you so much. This has been an absolute pleasure chatting with you. Look with, we said, well, we have enough content for about 15 minutes. What about 40 minutes already? So I hope the listeners enjoyed this. Um, it's been a bit free form, but there's so much of value here. I'm not even gonna attempt to summarize it, but Tommy, thanks very much, mate, from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for helping me launch the, um, give yourself a chat podcast. I look forward to having you on as a guest, further down the road and make, keep yourself look after that young family of yours. And, uh, and, and when we can go out again, coffee's on me. May you're the best. Thank you. Awesome.
Speaker 0 00:38:50 Thank you so much for joining me on this first episode of the, give us other chat podcast. Uh, what our first guests, Tommy gentlemen was. I knew he would deliver every time I talked to Tommy always come away feeling inspired. And can we wait brimming with ideas and learnings from the conversation? So you can guarantee I'll have Tommy back at some time in the future, but in the meantime, the conversations going on over at LinkedIn. So if we haven't connected, please do so linkedin.com forward slash Peter M J Lewis connect, leave some comments, give me some feedback on this episode and the podcast in general, and post some ideas about what you would like to hear on future episodes. It'd be wonderful to cater to your needs and, and what you would find useful. So please do connect to engage and help me make this the best podcast possible. But in the meantime, stay healthy. Look after yourself and I'll see you on the next one.
